I meant to post this at the beginning of the summer but….shit happens ya know? Anywho, we’re about a month in and contrary to popular belief the summer is not over at the end of August. Labor Day weekend is not the summer close out! I understand why people think that tho but the official last day of summer is September 21st. So with that said, lets get into some fun stuff for the last 2 months of summer! I’ll check-in with you guys later to see what we accomplished!

It’s my Birthday and despite all the turbulence in my life right now, i’m actually excited about it this year. Usually, i’m stressed out about what I want to do and trying to make plans that will incorporate all my friends & being worried that people won’t show, or won’t stay long, or won’t appreciate the effort I put into whatever it is. On top of that, being frustrated by my own indecisiveness around my hair, what i’m going to wear..shit, even what the hell the plans are. & I can’t forget about my annual “all my friends hate me” meltdown

Usually, I’d apologize for the forthcoming disorganization that will be this blog post but, no. This is how my brain works, jumping from one thought to the other and hoping I can keep up.

2023 has been a rough year for me. I’ve been pretty open about some of the hardships I’ve dealt with when it comes to my house and the confusion surrounding my friendships but I haven’t been as open to exactly how its all affecting me.

We are now 2 weeks away from our epic trip and I sit down to figure out the best mode of transportation from the airport to our destination. For some reason Google Maps was pulling up “No results” so I google the Timeshare and it turns out it wasn’t in Honolulu. Not only was it not in Honolulu it wasn’t even on the same island. It was on Kawaii island and holy shit we have a problem.

I'll start by saying that my relationship with my father was never a great one. Since I was little he was always distant and we only really ever hung out when it was something he wanted to do (i.e. Bike Shows). When it came to crafts and regular kid stuff it was always just my mom, my brother and I. My father's approach to things and his hateful demeanor never helped. He was distant and when he did include himself he was mean.

I have not allowed myself to be completely myself. I have not allowed myself to be 100% Ferg.

I have never really been comfortable with or accepting of myself. For me it was always me wanting to be something else, to move differently, talk differently, think differently. I’ve always wanted to be soft and angelic. I wanted to be the peaceful girl with the soothing voice who was always smiling and looked inviting. Well, I'm none of those things.